it's finally sunny in Chicago again and I'm very pleased. tomorrow is supposed to be in the low 70s and I really hope those weather reports pull through for everyone. it will be nice.

yesterday lasted way too long, in my opinion. I think most of the problem was that I was distracted from my work and also really exhausted from my weekend. I went home last night, ate dinner, and then turned on the TV to lull me into a nap. my choice of program was the grand finals of the ultimate Fear Factor champion or whatever it was called. hearing the champion cry uttered by the host, "evidently, fear is not a factor for you," multiple times during flashback scenes got on my nerves a little, but the prospect of watching a person eat bull testicles, cow brains, or pig rectum really kept me riveted to the screen, I'm ashamed to admit. thus, I didn't really end up taking any nap of substance.

when I got into bed last night, I read for a while and then closed my eyes to go to sleep. only, for some reason, all I could think about was Adrienne. I'd called her last night to talk but she asked if she could call me back and never did. what also didn't help things was reading a passage in my book explaining that people who are depressed will get a huge burst of energy and project optimism right before they committ suicide. so my wild imagination ran rampant with all these horrible scenarios of what was going to happen to Adrienne. I started crying and then I couldn't stop at all. it was really awful. then thoughts of Adrienne turned into thoughts of how much I miss having my friends and family near me, and that only made me sob even harder. then I started heaping pity upon myself over other things like not being able to find love, not having a job that I really enjoy...it just kept spiraling out of control. I kept trying to calm myself down, reassuring myself she was going to be fine in the end, but was unable to prevent all these bad thoughts from coming back into my head. I guess at one point I just got exhausted and drifted off.

I woke up this morning with puffy eyes, but not the same hysteria that I felt last night. in fact, I feel just fine now. I'm still concerned in general, of course, but I really don't know why I broke down last night. I suppose it was just a delayed reaction. I'm planning to call Adrienne again tonight, and hopefully it'll set my mind at ease. I just want to know she's going to be ok.