Adrienne called me this past weekend. she told me she was at the house of her roommate's parents and that she's completely stopping taking drugs altogether. I told her that was great, that it was about time, and eventually somehow got out of her that she'd been smoking pot laced with crack and had realized she was addicted only recently. I didn't mention that crack is probably the most addictive drug out there, or that no reasonable would even consider putting anything ending in -crack to his lips, much less knowingly choose to ingest it. at any rate, Adrienne revealed that she was staying at her roommates' parents' house because they'd been kicked out of their low-income housing apartment since "some rent didn't get paid." I asked her to please seek out a Narcotics Anonymous group and reinforced that she needs to tell our parents what has been going on. I want to be there when she does it, because I know they're going to go ballistic. but I don't know how feasible that is. and it's not news that should be delivered over the phone. at some point Adrienne mentioned something about my going to my mother and I insisted that no, I wouldn't, I felt it was her responsibility to tell our parents herself. she chatted to me, nonchalantly, about the whole thing for a few more minutes, and then I told her I had to go. I couldn't continue talking in a normal manner because it was all just too overwhelming.

I told April what had gone on in the conversation because she'd been there while I was on the phone. April told me that perhaps I needed to tell my parents. she thinks that Adrienne's telling me this information is a plea for help and that I need to act on it by telling my parents. she had an uncle who was addicted to crack, and who told his family and friends he was stopping, everything was fine, and then a few weeks later committed suicide. I let that sink in for a while and then decided that I'm going to call Adrienne tonight and tell her gently that if she doesn't tell my parents, I will. I just want her to get over this safely. it's going to be difficult, no doubt. what she really needs to do is find a whole different group of friends. she's done that all her life, but it's always been the wrong type of people. she's only 22 and she's had all these horrible things happen in her life by virtue of the people she choses to surround herself with. she was raped in high school (though she didn't tell my family and only told me a few years later), she had an abortion while she was in college (and again said nothing to anyone, telling me much later)...I can't imagine what other horrors she's seen. I just don't understand why. it's like she's seeking refuge from some cloud that's been chasing her forever, but I don't know what that cloud is or when or where it originated. we each had normal childhoods, I mean, she and I had a typically vicious sibling rivalry, but we are friends now. she had typical difficulties in school, at home with my parents, but for some reason I think she's cultivated this feeling of unworthiness, of not wanting to be a burden. it's true she's asked and expected a lot from my parents, and they have communicated their exasperation, but they have never excommunicated her or threatened her. I just don't know. I don't have the energy to explain any further.

sometimes I wish I could have a therapist.