I�m beginning to find this town a little depressing, although it could just be because my period is due to start any day now. When I ride the bus to and from work, I see some streets that are lined with small, inoffensive brick or sided houses, and it makes me wonder about the people who live inside. I just get an overwhelming feeling of stagnancy viewing these unattractive houses. Cincinnati is a very status quo city filled with a lot of status quo, working-class people, especially on my grandparents� side of town. And while there�s absolutely nothing wrong with that, it�s difficult for me to be unable to find a lot of beauty in the city (outside of the downtown or University areas) after coming from such a beautiful, vibrant, and diverse city as Chicago. Another thing I�ve noticed since moving here is that so many people smoke, it�s unbelievable. I�ve cut back on my cigarette intake severely since installing myself in my grandparents� house�I might not have a cigarette for several weeks unless my cousin offers me one�and it�s probably very hypocritical for me to take this issue to task, but I just feel like I can�t be outside without someone exhaling their Marlboro cloud onto me. This is especially true when I�m waiting to take the bus home after work. I�m pretty sure smoking is so commonplace because cigarettes are very inexpensive here ($3.20 for a pack of Camels!) due to the city�s proximity to the Kentucky tobacco fields. Anyway, it�s been on my mind.

I had a big, long talk with Stacey on Sunday night and she helped me realize that not applying to grad school this year was completely the wrong choice. So I plan to draft my personal statement over the weekend and to register for the GRE ASAP. I can be the queen of dragging my feet on things like this if I don�t have a good motivation, but now I feel re-motivated, like I felt after coming back to Chicago from my visit to the IFA in New York. So this is good.

I bought a bottle of chardonnay Wednesday night, mostly because I started salivating while reading an advertisement of wines on sale in the paper during work on Tuesday and couldn�t stop thinking about getting some. So I�ve been slowly, secretly working on that after work for the past two nights. I feel guilty walking in past my grandmother with a bottle of wine or some beer in hand, saying hi, and then going downstairs to the lower level to drink in solitude. Really, there isn�t anything too shameful about doing that, but for some reason I don�t want my grandma to think I�m drinking my troubles away or anything dirty like that. And I don�t really care for her to mention to my mom that she sees me taking alcohol downstairs. I feel like it just doesn�t come off well for me.

I was supposed to be on my way to Chicago today to see James P and his boyfriend while they were in town for the marathon, but those plans have been dashed, as I think I already mentioned. It�s sad. And I don�t think I�ll really be doing anything tonight, short of watching a rented movie or something similar. I might do laundry since my grandparents� dryer remains fucked-up, heating but not drying the clothes as they tumble, forcing me to air dry nearly everything I wash. I have got to force my gma to get that fixed.

Finally, today on the bus to work I finished reading William Boyd�s �Any Human Heart.� I really enjoyed it, even if it seemed almost too facile that the book�s protagonist would have been a party to all the incredible experiences described in the book. I almost started crying as I reached the end of it and probably would�ve let a tear fall if I hadn�t been sitting on public transportation. Anyway, I recommend it highly to anyone. I thought it was very well-written.

And that�s all for now.