dude. I just realized I used a made-up word in like, three cover letters for jobs I really wanted. the word? ameliorize. that's not a word. it's "ameliorate."

ASSHOLE!

and it's totally all because of French. the different rules of different languages get twisted in my head sometimes. j'ai honte.

ahhhh...

in other news, I've been completely stressing over what the hell I'm gonna do with the next year or month or whatever. so here are the latest stress-inducing elements:

1) I think I'm going to have to stay here for more than one year.
2) if this is true, I really shouldn't apply to grad school this year because I'll just end up having to defer acceptance anyway.
3) but I already set in motion the recommendation letter process and would feel stupid saying, "oh never mind, I'm going to wait yet another year" to all my ex-professors.
4) so I have to study for and take the GRE (cost: $110) ASAP.
5) and I need to get all my applications in order.
6) I can't seem to get enough money under my belt right now. (related: I can't seem to get a real job yet)
7) and I think I'm going to have to buy a car to continue functioning here.
8) but I don't know what money I'm going to use for that.
9) I can't go to Chicago next weekend, as I had planned to do, because of $.
10) should I even go to grad school? what if I want to play all day? am I wasting my talent?
11) what am I going to do with my life?
12) why won't anyone tell me how many licks its take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop??

oh har har, that last one is fake. but you knew that. anyway, yeah. deciding things is tough. who wants to make decisions for me or, alternately, who wants to look into their crystal ball and tell me when and how everything is going to work out just fine so just shut up?

Adrienne had her baby at 1:30am Monday. my mom called me as I was getting ready for work that morning to give me the news and all I could say was, "what...OH MY GOSH!!" over and over again. I'm not allowed to say "oh my God" in front of my parents and for some reason I still obey that rule (does that make me a baby?) so "oh my gosh" it was. maybe I'll try "golly!" or "gee!" next time. anyway, back to the baby. she was a month premature so she's still in the hospital learning to do things like swallow and suck, but the great fortune is that Adrienne and her husband were visiting my parents when she went into labor so my parents coincidentally got to be around when my niece (W-E-I-R-D!!) was born. I'm an aunt. that's totally crazy. I haven't seen pictures of the little lady yet, but I can't wait for them to come! I got a little emotional after getting off the phone with my mom, remembering how awful this situation was at the outset. I can't explain how relieved I am that it's all worked out for what seems to be the best.

ok, so this cheapens everything I've said above, but the finale for Paradise Hotel is on and I really have to watch it. I've inexplicably, inexcusably invested a shitload of time in this show over the past two months and I'll be damned if I don't find out how it ends.

p.s. what the aitch is Zach Galifianakis doing on that new Fox "save them from their horrible deaths via E.S.P.!" drama show? he's supposed to make the HA-HAs, not the thinkers. although you can't blame a brotha for trying to make a buck. and don't I know that.