ohhh weekends when my best friends come to town. these are the weekends that inexplicably turn into epic events, with laughter, tears, and much, much drinking and smoking.

Friday night was the first night on the town for Stacey and me. we got horribly drunk, of course, and Stacey, Jim, his friend William and I all ended up in Jim's apartment, which is a studio, staring at each other awkwardly until Jim started dancing solo to the tunes coming out of his laptop. W and Stace made a connection when she was last in town on New Year's Eve. since then they really haven't been communicating until just before she came here. there was a lot of nervous energy before she saw W and when we were at the bar, they sat together and talked to each other non-stop. when we were in the cab on the way home, they held hands, which tipped me off pretty clearly that they needed to have some alone time since Stacey lives quite a while away in New York.

so at Jim's apartment, after too long of awkward conversation that turned into loud conversation and shouting (no clear reason for that), I found myself pleading to talk about what we really wanted to talk about, ie, who should leave so Stacey and W could be alone. (W and Jim are among that not-too-rare breed of boys who have no balls whatsoever.) I walked up to W, handed him my keys, and said, "this is the front two doors, this is my apartment door." he looked at me quizzically and I repeated the instructions, adding, "just take Stacey." I then told Stacey that she and Bill were leaving and pushed them out the door. Jim got excited about the idea that they might be making out in the hallway when I told him I had given W my keys and he looked at me and said, "wow. you're smooth."

which I am, of course. I thank you.

so I laid down on Jim's couch (it was about 4am at this point) and prepared to just hang out/nap there until I decided it was time to go back to my apartment. but then Jim started kissing me and then other things, blah blah blah we ended up in bed naked. at which point he turned his head to me and said, "I don't think we can do this any more." I said, "ok..." and he explained, "it's just weird, it's effed up. I think we need to move on." I said, yes, it is very fucked up, it's not normal and if he didn't want to hook up any more that was completely fine with me. which it is. but I felt the need to add that it was very interesting that he chose to discuss this when we were lying in bed naked. so then I said, "so we will never hook up again." and he said, "right." and I said, "shake on it." we did and then he said, "I'm going to put on my boxers."

I asked him to toss me my underwear and shirt and said I was going to have to stay for a little longer since W had my keys. I said I would sleep on the couch if it would make him more comfortable, and he said, "it would." then he picked up his cell phone and tried to call my apartment. I yelled angrily that no one was going to pick up and then got fed up and called Stacey on her cell phone, which she answered, and asked her to buzz me in. so I put my clothes back on, left Jim's apartment, and walked back to my apartment at 6 in the morning like a common prostitute.

when I got up to my apartment, W and Stace were sitting on the couch talking. W got up like he was going to leave and I told him to sit back down, that he wasn't going anywhere. I changed into my pajamas, got a glass of water, and bid W and Stacey good night.

a few hours later, I felt Stacey get into bed and asked if she and W had kissed. she said we'd talk about it later and we went to sleep.

two hours later we were both awake, unable to sleep for some reason. she asked me what happened last night at Jim's and I told her the story, which made me really angry and subsequently caused me to cry while telling it. it may not be quite as apparent in written form how it felt having those things said to me by Jim, but once I was sober and retold the story, I realized how hurt and angry I was and just let it rip. I have no problem with putting a stop to our weird arrangement; it's all the better and healthier for both of us. but the way he chose to handle it, his staggering fear of intimacy, and his total lack of consideration simply disgust me and I think I'll stop talking about it now because it takes too much energy and explanation.

anyway, I then asked Stacey to tell me what happened with W, who is reknown for his overwhelming lack of social skills and propensity to sit speechless whenever in a group of two or more. she said, "well the only thing more awkward than talking to W is having sex with him!" I inhaled sharply, laughed, and screamed, "NO WAY!!!" she explained the progression of events, that she really liked him a lot, that they talked for the two hours I was at Jim's, and then how after I went to bed, he kissed her. and then the other thing. on my couch. which is fucking hilarious. W had apologized for the situation after its completion, explaining that it wasn't how he wanted things to be, that he would rather take her somewhere than have things happen on her friend's couch, etc. but in defense of my couch, it is damned comfortable.

sidebar: this now makes it 3 out of 3 friends who have found mates when they came to visit me.

so Saturday we kicked around during the day and then planned to go to a block party and show at night. the show was Sock Puppet Showgirls, which was worth the wait, frankly. I caused a scene by screaming with laughter at a joke that was only halfway begun but whose opening line shocked me into giggles. W met us at my apartment afterwards, which I had proposed, and once there, April went to bed. so it was just the three of us, me, W, and Stacey. we were all chatting for about an hour and I said I was going to bed when Jim called W, asked him where he was, and asked W what his own cell phone number was. 15 minutes later, the buzzer to my apartment sounded, and I said, "motherfucker."

me: Hello?

Jim's voice: Is W there?

me, to Stacey and W: Oh Jesus Christ.

me: Yeah.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

in came Jim, with one of his co-workers. a large shiner decorated his right eye, causing us to shriek, "oh my God, what happened?" after which I asked, "did you have it coming?" he and his friend, who were both very very inebriated, offered a sloppy explanation about insulting a guy's girlfriend. which was fine enough I guess.

Jim and friend then grabbed beers from the refrigerator, plopped themselves down and began to act in the most obnoxious manner I've seen in a while. for the most part I sat stony-faced and offered wise-ass comments to some of the conversation. after a half hour or so Jim and friend announced they'd be back in a minute. so they walked to the door and Jim proceeded to lock and unlock each lock about three times while W, Stacey and I sat and watched. he yelled, "can somebody help me, instead of just sitting there?" we then instructed him on which ones to turn, and the pair walked out.

five minutes later, the buzzer sounded again, I let them in, and when Jim came in this time, his black eye was gone. haha, funny joke. I was dismayed.

they hung around for twenty more minutes or so when Jim's friend stood up and said, "well, I see two guys, and two girls, so I think I'm just going to go," at which point Jim got panicky, said something and his friend sat back down and began to torment Stacey. not long after, Jim announced he was going to get some Mexican food and was going to leave. his friend said he wanted to finish his beer and Jim said that was fine, he'd be at the Mexican place across the street.

the friend then hung around for 15 more minutes until W openly told him to leave and I grabbed him by the hand and escorted him out. my mind was spinning at the fact that Jim had deigned it acceptable come over like that and etc., etc. I then fired off a few missives to W about his friend Jim and after Stacey asked me if I was ok, I said I was and went to bed.

so that was Saturday.

yesterday Stacey and I slept for ages and then got up to watch some movies that she'd brought. then we showered and got ready to go out for sushi and a show with April.

the sushi was good, and so was the show. afterwards we went to a bar across the street from the theater, where some of the performers from the show tend to hang out. I pumped the jukebox full of money and songs and saw that one of the performers who we knew was in the bar.

we have a very weird and uncomfortable history with this guy. it involves a series of unanswered phone messages, missed appointments, slight snubbings, and awkward runnings-in. and we probably haven't seen him for going on 6-8 months. on his way back from the bathroom, this guy, we'll call him Dougie, came up to our table, put his hand on my shoulder, and warmly said hello. I smiled back and said hi, and went to shake his hand or something (drunk again), but instead ended up caressing his forearm downward once, grabbing the meat of his forearm, and shaking it in a handshake manner. I then realized what the fuck I was doing and started an exaggerated shaking of his forearm to try to remedy the situation and show that I knew what I was doing was weird to the nth degree. he then raised his hands to mine and started play-fighting with me, during which I was nervously laughing, and after which I laughed, "that was awkward."

I'm still laughing about it. do it on yourself for an idea and you'll see.

I am a fucking weird asshole. sometimes.

anyway, Dougie turned away from me, laughing, and asked April and me what we'd been up to. the natural answer was, "not much," and he then told his about his new show and invited us to come see it whenever we wanted. he told us to give him a call, and then added, "and show up!" oh haha.

anyway, Stacey called W to meet us at the bar, and he arrived not long after. we all chatted for a while and I announced I had to go to the bathroom. so I went into the only empty stall out of the two in the room, sat down, and noticed that there were two people in the stall next to me. a girl. and a guy. I became incredibly uncomfortable, but when you've gotta go...and then I started hearing the moaning. so I finished peeing as soon as I could and ran back out to the bar to tell everyone what I'd discovered. April immediately went in, and then other people did, and eventually a throng of people were peering in the bathroom listening in and waiting for the two to emerge. the owner of the bar got involved and urged us all to applaud when the guy and girl came out. eventually the guy came out and went directly into the men's room. and then the girl came out, arms out in a "bring it on" gesture, and left the bar. then the guy came out, walked to the bar, and accepted a beer from the owner. weird.

we stayed till the place closed and I've got to say the Bass they had on tap was spectacular. I haven't enjoyed drinking a beer like that in a while. anyway, Stacey had instructed W to get a hotel room for the evening, a choice I fully supported since they whole "living in two different cities" thing was very sad for them and for me (I just want my friends to be happy). so W drove April and me back to my apartment and we went to bed.

it is now 11:20 and Stace is still out. I want her to get home soon because we'll have to go to the airport at 5 and I need some more me-and-Stace-time before she leaves. this is the worst part about having friends come--the leaving.

so I'm sitting alone at my computer, not looking forward to saying goodbye, even though I'll be seeing her again in two weekends when I go home for Labor Day. but still. I miss my friends often.

at any rate, that's been my weekend. a tale I felt was worth telling, if for anything, posterity.

long.