for once I'm going to make an entry not focused on me. instead I'm going to focus on my dearly beloved but slightly nutso roommate, April.

now I've known April for three years now, having met her when we were both nannies in Connecticut. we basically behave like sisters or a married couple or whatever now, especially since we've lived with each other for two years. hence I am free to share the following with you.

when I came out of my bedroom yesterday morning, A was lying on her back in her bed with the covers pulled up to her chin and her bedroom door open, and her eyes as big as saucers, staring right at me. it freaked the shit out of me, so I yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" she said, "did you just hear a man's voice or was I dreaming?" I said, "uhhh, no, no voice..." and she said she thought a man was in our apartment and he was coming to get her. when she heard me open my door, she thought I was the man and was trying to decide whether to stay or run away. I was like, "oooh kaaayy....and your bedroom door is open because...?" neither of us ever sleep with our doors open. it was weird. and funny. I laugh at April often.

another good story involves a cashier named Michael who works at our grocery store. Michael was once a woman but now dresses and acts like a man (I don't know what the complete deal is physically). Michael has facial hair and has styled his/her hair into a mannish style, but it's clear to anyone that Michael isn't an original man. I'm ashamed to admit that Michael always makes me a little uncomfortable, but sometimes I end up in Michael's line anyway. I also have a hard time assigning a gender-based term to Michael. anyway, April and I were at the grocery store and we ended up in Michael's line. Michael rang us up and told us the total, and I began to pay. A said, "did you give her the card?" and I inhaled sharply to swallow the laughter that was rising in my throat and spit out carefully, "yeees." I then turned my head the slightest bit to the side to shoot A a steely look that said, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID HER!!!" but quickly looked away because I was afraid I'd laugh too hard. poor Michael. I pushed down all feelings of laughter that I had and raised my head because I wanted to look Michael in the eye and say "thank you" so that Michael knew I wasn't laughing at Michael, I was laughing at my stupid roommate. but Michael's eyes never met mine. I felt very bad. when we got out of the store, I thought April and I were going to die. A was mortified, especially after I articulated, incredulous, "THE ONE THING SHE'S BEEN RUNNING FROM HER WHOLE LIFE!!! Being called 'm'am' or 'miss,' and you just cut it down with one little word!!! I mean, she has facial hair!!!" whhhooooo that was a bad one. poor April, too.

now here's one of my most recent favorites: one time A and I were talking about people on the bus and I was explaining that I make up names for them sometimes. like, there's this girl I secretly call The Schnoz, and then another girl I secretly call Eyeshadow Girl. I believe these nicknames are self-explanatory. then there's The Makeup Girl, who puts on her entire face on the bus. we also have Kevin Tihista Look-Alike and The Boy I Love, to give a few more examples. anyway, April said she doesn't make up nicknames but sometimes she imagines having conversations with her fellow riders. sometimes she imagines discussing other passengers with a particular person, for example. but the one "conversation" that really jumps out, in my mind, happened when she was sitting next to an African-American man. he was perfectly normal-looking, but the "conversation" she imagined with him ended up with him "saying" to her "I want to eat your pussy." this caused her to give him dirty, hateful looks for the rest of the ride and to inch away from him as much as possible. nevermind the fact the man never actually spoke to her in real life. CUCKOO! CUCKOO! that bitch sure is crazy.

also enjoyable is April's propensity for tripping, falling down, slipping, etc. my all-time favorite was when we were walking down the street and all of a sudden she fell on all fours. that was a classic.

and that's my roommate.