talked to my dad tonight and he told me my grandpa probably has lymphoma. this has made me really upset. it's bad enough his mind is essentially gone, but now this on top of that...I can't imagine what my grandma is going through. I don't want to think about when the inevitable is going to happen and I'm really dreading it. my grandpa is (was) the gentlest man in the world. he acted as the consummate peacekeeper, and had this way making me and my sisters feel silly for getting mad over having to wash dishes or for being juvenile and arguing by saying something like, "aww, come on now," with a half-smile on his face. until a few years ago, the only outfit I ever saw him wear was a white v-neck T-shirt under blue denim overalls. and always with the worn-out, misshapen black leather boots that he still puts on and leaves unzipped. when my mom and her siblings were growing up, he worked three different jobs--firefighter, EMT, and limousine driver--to support the seven of them and my grandma. one of my clearest memories of him from when I was little was his teaching me to peel potatoes on the back step of their old house. I always thought of him as a giant when I was small. he was so strong back then. and now he's frail, slimmed-down significantly, and depressingly vacant. hopefully I can go down to Cincinnati when my family go there in March to spend some time with him and my grandma. the doctors are not optimistic...I hate the end.