I thought of another word with all five vowels in (plus y) it this morning while drying my hair. to see it, click here or click on "previous," down there. redblur contributed one too (thanks)!

all this thought about my daliance with Jim on Saturday night prompted me to work it out in my physical journal. I am horribly paranoid that my roommate, my friends, my family will someday find my journal and read it, and especially the dirty bits, so I tend to write all my entries in a mix of English and French. I know it's not as if French is this obscure, undecipherable language, but I figure if someone's furtively trying to read as much as possible (like I do when I get my hands on a hidden journal), that's the best way to thwart their efforts. also, my handwriting is atrocious, so my scrawled script is probably enough to codify whatever I've chosen to say. part of me laughs to think about my loved ones' reactions, should I expire early on and they find and read my journals. my parents are truly clueless about probably 99% of the naughty things I've done in life. this is for a few reasons. a) I can lie to them pretty well. b) they are ultra-conservative and would cut off my hands if they knew I'd gone anywhere near a naked penis. my mother once proclaimed that a man and a woman living together before marriage was a sin. when I protested to the contrary, she said, "yes it is! it's called 'fornication'." so you can imagine any reaction to any sort of, um, illicit extracurricular activity they'd find out about.

at any rate, I've decided to wait and see what sort of progressive moves Jim makes before committing to any more advanced feelings about him. sometimes I want to love him again, and other times I remember the discomfort he's caused me in the past. and then I also remember the time that we went to a gay dance club and someone asked one of our companions if Jim was retarded I assume because of his unnatural movements on the dance floor. yes, that's totally true. that gives me an awkward, neutral feeling. ugh. must wash myself of that memory for now.

in other news, I just found a website that has recent episodes of Conan O'Brien for download. OH YES. oh yes.