so I'm almost to the point where being at home is starting to grate on me. I always forget that there's usually not much to do around here but shopping during the day and drinking during the evening. I mean, it's nice to be able to sleep in and relax and see my parents and sisters all the time and everything, but now I'm getting restless and even Stacey and her unwillingness to facilitate my leaving the house every night is starting to drive me to the hair-pulling state. I do love my friends and family dearly, of course. it's just that I'm now being reminded of why I couldn't possibly live at home. or why Stacey and I sometimes didn't make the best of roommates. Kelly's out of town till tomorrow night. thankfully, she's almost always up for something.

secondary on the "being at home" problem list is me stuffing my face with more food than necessary. hello, cookies, haven't seen you in a while...how's about you jump on down my throat? and bring 5-6 of your friends! reams of cheese? here's the trail to happiness! nevermind that swallowing sensation, just relax and slide on down the hatch. ooooh I spy a golden box of chocolates on that table over there...sneak attack...and pop! pop! pop! in the tummy they go.

it's starting to cause me discomfort. I dislike the cushion my chin is beginning to offer to my neck.

my 16-year-old sister got a neato new digital camera last night and I WANT IT! it's really nice and that's all.

on the MHD front, I've given up on seeing him again this year. we don't have the kind of friendship (or whatever) that permits phone calls without awkwardness, so I'm excising that method of contact, even though he gave me his number. we exchanged email addresses neither Saturday nor Monday night, so that benign method is not an option. he's leaving the state at some point (don't know when) to go to New England for New Year's Eve. the pain of expectation is making things unbearable, so that's that. the past few days I've alternated between giddy laughing at what transpired (the hugs, the words, the kiss on the head) and near tearfulness at what will most likely happen (another 2-year gap between meetings). so whatever. I am such a little girl. having said that, I wish he was more ballsy, but he's always been a kind of passive guy, so....blah...I'm sure I've read too much into things and it's just not meant to be, as stupid as that always sounds to me.

anyway, I'm going out tonight once Stacey leaves from her house. she's already in a bad mood tonight (nothing like an antagonistic drinking buddy!), but James P is already out with others, so he should alleviate some of the unpleasantness.

I need a change of something.