last night, right before bed and after making falafel for my lunch today, I had a revelation. see, I've been rather bummed lately about my future prospects for school versus my horrible financial state. so I've been thinking about it a lot and last night realized that I can possibly rectify it all by living with my grandparents for a year before I re-enter school. I would apply this year, as orginally planned, get in (hopefully), defer entry for a year, and then just live in Cincinnati until it's time to go. I can make an arrangement with my grandma very easily, offer to be her personal assistant or whatever and get a part-time job on the side, and I can just pay off all my stupid credit cards and work on my undergrad loan for a year. it would be very ideal--no rent, no utilities, no food expenses--when I was a nanny I was able to make a lot of progress for the same reasons. it's really the only viable way I can make grad school a reality, other than falling into a pile of many thousands of dollars. (I'm imagining doing that right now and it feels great--my arms are spread wide and I'm falling backwards and everything.)

anyway, I'm going to pitch the idea to my mom first. she's the testing ground. I'm sure my grandma will be happy to have me. of course, this woudn't happen until the summer of next year, when I had originally planned to move, but I like to get a head-start and make sure everything's approved before committing to the idea.

after I came to this realization last night I got very excited and then had to calm myself down to get to sleep. kind of like when you're waiting for the Tooth Fairy as a kid and just want to stay up all night thinking about it. fortunately I finished American Psycho this past weekend and had some tamer material to read (Spin). after about 30 pages I drifted off nicely.

I woke up this morning furious at my alarm clock for even thinking it had my permission to wake me. when it went off for the first time, I angrily pushed the snooze button. when it went off the second time, I think I groaned loudly and then whipped up into a sitting position with a gigantic scowl on my face. I am such a cranky kid in the morning lately. sometimes I wish I had a video camera taping my waking up because I know I'd laugh about it later. especially the times I punch the pillow or something. it's funny in retrospect, although I'm in real agony at the time.

I have to work now. ppppppppppbbth.