it makes me angry when I have really excellent thoughts in my head but then I can't remember what they were or why they were excellent a half hour later.

I was reading Swann's Way on the bus this morning and I've almost finished it, after about 6 months of ploughing my way through. the end is so great. this quote, if you switch the sexes, pretty much typifies all my problems in life:

"To think that I have wasted years of my life, that I have longed for death, that the greatest love I have ever known has been for a woman who did not please me, who was not in my style!"

and that's a fact. one of my greatest problems in life is chasing after something that I don't even want, deep down. it's just the thought of attaining that ideal or the story in my head that propels me in so many things. what a tricky habit to break. how to start living in the real and not in the imagined world I create for myself? but then, which one will ultimately give me more satisfaction? and what the hell do I even want in certain situations at all? why is it so difficult to identify exactly what I want, in the metaphysical sense? tricky.

any advice? where's a good therapist when you need her?