today was a nice Easter, for the most part. I went to church as planned, and although the service lasted two hours (which, for the Lutheran faith, is kind of crazy), it was refreshing and I left feeling much less unclean. after church I came home and called my parents, talked to my two youngest sisters, called my grandma, talked to James P, and then ate a big feast that April and her mom had prepared over the past few days. after that we watched most of the latest Harry Potter on DVD and then April left to take her mom to the train station. then I called Adrienne and laid around watching the Simpsons and Six Feet Under.

the only downsides to today were my conversations with my mom and with Adrienne. my mom never has anything positive to say anymore; she seems in fact to dig up negative things to say for no reason. it's pretty exhausting and it makes me want to speak to her less frequently than I already do. and it makes me fear for my two youngest sisters, who still live at home with her. they don't like her much right now, and that's so so bad and destructive.

then there's Adrienne. she owes my mom and dad $900 due to an eviction scare. because of this, and the added pregnancy baggage, my parents aren't very willing to speak to her. so that's understandably making her unhappy. and I can't avoid the whole, "so what are you going to do with this child inside you" question when I speak to her. of course this only puts her on the defense, her worst position, logic-wise. it's simply impossible to reason with her or get a straight answer and after five minutes of gentle questioning she flat out refused to speak about the whats and hows anymore.

all this is to say that too many people around me are unhappy right now. April hates her job now, after only three months, as her boss is a chauvinistic, controlling dickhead. she's considering looking around for something else and is generally miserable after each night. my mom, Adrienne, April, my grandma, Stacey...each of these people are fighting their own miseries. I seldom hear any good news anymore from those people. I guess it's just that I've been feeling pretty content overall lately. there are the little things that get me down or that make me angry or grumpy, but I feel good about things. I'm happy now that I have a plan for the next year and I'm feeling really optimistic about my chances of success to come (ie, happiness and self-sufficiency). but to call someone while in a sunny disposition and to then be pushed into grey skies by their circumstances is discouraging. I wish I could help, but I know I can't, and that frustrates me.

also, I've been thinking a lot about sexy activity lately. I think because it's starting to be spring, the season that always makes me want to be in bed with a boy. since I don't really know how to get the booty in a good, wholesome way right now, it's preoccupying my thoughts a teensy bit too much. naughty.

but oh well. Annie's on TV right now and they just saved her from the drawbridge train tracks and she and Daddy Warbucks are hammin' it up on the stairs. so I think I'll just focus on that for a while. buh buh buh, buh buh buh, ba doo.