in effort to get home today after the workday was done, I waited for the bus for 40 minutes. as a reward to myself, I elected to not do laundry as I had planned, and to instead come home, finish the bag of Doritos I'd kind of hidden from April, and drink the rest of the bottle of chardonnay I bought at Dominick's on Sunday. fear not, there were in-between courses. Doritos and chardonnay together are gross. instead I went from Doritos and Diet Coke, to salad (broccoli, tomato, celery, red onion, dill, oil and vinegar) as main course, to chardonnay with salty bits interspersed to ease its drinkability. I really really want a cigarette right now, being three glasses of white wine drunk, but the thought of my nearly empty bank account is preventing that, be it good or bad. this weekend must be cigarette-free (me no smokey in front of the coworkers), so I might as well start the restraint now.

today, on the way to work, I saw a man riding a Segway to his work. at first I was like, "whoa, that dude bought a Segway!" and then I was like, "he paid $3,000 for that mothafucka!" and then I found myself thinking, "look at that asshole in a suit riding a Segway. he totally wants everyone to look at him. what-ever." I mean seriously, at this point you're only riding a Segway so people can look at you and be like, "oooohhh...different and new." it's like when all those poseurs started riding scooters (as in the hang-one-foot-over-the-side-and-push/kick scooters) in Manhattan. scooters: stupid and unsafe at any speed. that's my take on them. anyway, that guy on the Segway works at the Chicago Historical Society. at least, that's the driveway I watched him roll into from my crowded bus window.

my lovely dad offered to pay for half my ticket home in July. this is so totally awesome because right now I can't find anything for under $250, which is a lot to pay for an air flight that you could make via car in 9 hours (above the speed limit, of course). also, kind of poor. anyway, that's made me very happy and I have resolved to buy him a birthday/Father's Day gift during my trip to the Miller brewery this weekend. because I is going to Milwaukee. to stay with Amy. which is why I can't smoke. call me a baby if you will, but I just don't feel like answering questions from my boss as to the nature of my health habits. also, it's nicer for me if I just smoke when the drinky is involved. nicer because it's less guilt-provoking.

ok my overuse of weird phrases definitely proves to me that I am slightly drunk. as does the thought "I LOVE ALCOHOL" that is currently running through my head. ohhhhh sweet sweet alcohol. how will I negotiate our relationship once I am chez les grandparents? on va voir, mon ami. on va voir.

aaaaand cut.