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9:28 p.m. - 22 March 2004
with a new season comes transition

the overwhelming inability to update this journal has been a real bear for me over the past few months. and it's not as if things haven't been happening, it's just that...well you know how sometimes relationships go sour for no reason until all of a sudden you get a burst of energy and decide to give it another go? let's just say that's what it is. although no guarantees on whether the updates will be coming more frequently after today.

there are a lot of things to note, a lot of things that have nothing to do with the sole reason I've been getting semi-regular hits on my pages since I last updated. (that reason: that I mentioned the youngest Cosby Show kid in one entry and that she was on Celebrity Mole this past winter and that people were thirsty for information on the little lady.)

in no particular order:

went to New York in February to visit Stacey and spent cash like I didn't have a care in the world. it was magnificent. although, overall the visit wasn't totally fantastic since Stacey was having raging stomach problems that preempted any late-night beer binges. kind of a downer. although, as is tradition, one entire day was spent indoors watching movies, smoking cigarettes, and eating snacks. I do enjoy that so, I do. went to Asia de Cuba for lunch one day and had a good meal, although not the best meal I've ever had, which was a minor disappointment considering it was the most expensive meal I've ever had to pay for myself. was so stuffed that a small dinner later in the day almost sent me into purge mode...never experienced before such food-induced discomfort following overconsumption. it was difficult. also saw Rufus Wainwright in concert (2nd time I've done so) and got to spend lots of quality time with Stace.

finished grad school applications in late Feb. have gotten one acceptance to a PhD program in a big East Coast city and have gotten two non-acceptances to my #1 choices which was a bit of a bummer since they're both pretty much THE first-rate programs and I am, apprently, not a first-rate applicant. but it's ok. my acceptance is still a very good thing, especially since it was my safety school (but still a very respectable school overall), and especially b/c I really would love to study with more than one of the profs there (and one in particular). I'm still waiting on word from another PhD program and another MA program. so we'll see.

going up to Chicago this weekend for a big last hurrah since April's moving home next week, and then after a month or so moving on to Manhattan (or Queens or Brooklyn...). I'm sad she's leaving Chicago because I would love for things to stay the same as I left them (certainly I've said this before somewhere in this journal). but this trip will be great, and I am ready to once again spend cash like I just don't care so I can have the best time possible. is it shameful to say I can't wait to drink myself silly every night, stay out till 5am every morning, and eat all the good restaurant food I've missed so much since moving in with the gparents and having home-cooked food almost every night of the week since September? I think not. also, if anyone reading this has 2-3 spare tickets to The Darkness show this coming Saturday, I WANT THEM!!! contact me now.

have developed a minor obsession with films from the 1970s and the 1970s in general, thanks in part to Netflix and the "A Decade Under the Influence" documentary. I've watched such a shitload of films over the past months. a sampling:

The Fog of War

All the President's Men

School of Rock

The Triplets of Belleville

Big Fish

Bob Dylan: Don't Look Back

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (but were afraid to ask)

Duplex

Husbands and Wives

Five Easy Pieces

Whale Rider

Respiro

Gigli (pure shit, every bad thing you've heard is true)

Monster

24 Hour Party People

Morvern Callar

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star

Capturing the Friedmans

Bananas

...and many, many others that I can't recall at the moment.

lastly, and most importantly, one of my aunts--the wife of my mom's oldest brother--passed away last Sunday at the age of 54. on Tuesday the 9th she suffered a major aneurysm while taking out the garbage at night and only survived because my cousin (one of their two sons) was home from college on spring break recuperating from a hernia operation. he happened to notice she hadn't come back from outside and found her collapsed on the ground. they flew her from their small-ish college town about 45 minutes northwest of Cincinnati to the university hospital here where they operated on her to remove the pressure the aneurysm had caused. from Thursday night onward I spent several hours per day at the hospital comforting my uncle and my two cousins and going in to visit my aunt, who lay motionless in her bed, head shaven and held together by staples. my parents drove 8 hours on Friday to come up and see my aunt after I all but told my mom it would be her last chance to see my aunt alive. after signing DNR papers Thursday night, and after discovering my aunt had no brain activity left, and after many more excruciating and long hours and days, my uncle and his sons decided on the night of Sunday the 14th to withdraw life support from my aunt. the doctors told them she might last a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks. but really she only lasted a few seconds. it was one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever been a party to, for several reasons. my aunt was truly the most considerate and gracious person in my mom's family. she was the one person who always attended every family gathering, every birthday party, every celebration and who always made sure people got cards for their birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I never heard her complain about anything or anybody once, and I never heard a mean word exit her mouth either. this is remarkable considering how my mom's family can be at times. in addition, it was completely gut-wrenching to see my uncle and my cousins break down in sobs night after night--my aunt did everything for them, and the refrain echoed throughout the family was "I don't know what they're going to do without her." it was just so sad. the funeral was last Thursday, and each of my uncle's siblings stood up to eulogize this woman who so often faded into the background at family gatherings, who apologized for things she never did, who withstood my uncle's sometimes unappreciative attitude, and who cared so much for her sons. she was one of those people who will exact greater influence on those who knew her in death more than she ever did in life, and I will miss her.

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