oh it's Friday night so that means I'm happy. I was in a really good mood all day today, don't know why. I know I wasn't happy to wake up, but by the time I got in the door to work I was all smiles. weird. I think maybe the weather helped--blue skies, spring smells, warmish. god I just wish it could be spring every day. the smells of budding trees, thawing earth, the fresh, wet air...I can't get enough of it. it makes me want to run in open, green fields with my arms spread, just soaking up the nature. too bad it's still winter for a while!

I'm hoping Jim will call me tonight so I have some activity to do. sometimes I feel like such a losery loser sitting home alone on Friday/Saturday nights. in one way it's good because I'm not drinking and smoking my money away. but it's also not good--I should be out in the social world, enjoying other people's company, etc. but Marisa's usually busy with Pasquale, April works, Jen's lame and no fun to go out with, Megan's a little too much of a starfucker for me to tolerate, and everyone else lives in another state. so here I am, left stranded. it's too bad Andy moved away. and that I have a low tolerance for morons. and that we're not friends with John anymore. otherwise, work people might do. but no. not possible. I really wish Kelly lived here. she's the greatest.

getting excited for my trip to New York next week, but Stacey's grandmother is very ill and may well die before or while I am there. that would be really unfortunate, but I'm going nonetheless. it's so sad, her grandmother has the same sort of dementia/Alzheimer's that my grandpa's succumbing to. so scary how the mind can slowly dissolve into nothingness. my grandpa's doing pretty poorly himself. Thanksgiving was a bit of a shocker, and my grandmother is basically going insane trying to keep a sense of normalcy around the house. I wish she'd hire a nurse. they could easily afford it.

alright. I'm logging off now. hopefully this night will not go to pot and I'll be able to resist the temptation to smoke a whole bunch. until tomorrow.