it's really nice and rainy outside today. maybe a little too cold, but on days like this I just like looking out a window and watching the rain.

but enough of that, on to Bill's show-and-tell day.

when I was in high school, I used to read Harper's Bazaar like nobody's business. I was simply fascinated by the fashion photography and I liked to imagine myself with tons of money and the ability to buy all the most fashionable clothes. it got to the point where I could almost always correctly guess which outfit was created by which designer, that's how much I was into it.

the summer before 11th grade, I saw in Harpar's Bazaar that the shag haircut was making a comeback for women. this was roundabout 1993-1994. and I'm not talking about the long, shaggy hair that many people associate with the term nowadays, I'm talking shag � la Carol Brady: short, 1970s, layered shag. the model who had it best was Emma Balfour, but models like Kristen McMenamy, Christie Turlington, and Naomi Campbell all sported variations on the theme. I�m having a hard time finding photos to accurately show what it�s supposed to be, but...ok, here is the best example possible:

so I just thought this was the most kick-ass, modern hairstyle ever. remember, it�s the early 90s, when the grunge music (ie, boring, long, possibly dirty hair) was big. also, I was in high school and spent a lot of time studying these fashion mags for what was supposed to look the coolest at that moment. I decided I needed to get my hair cut just like the models. even though I was neither rail-thin, nor over 6 foot tall, nor did I sport clothes that were � la mode.

I went to the fanciest hair place in my small-ish, semi-urban Pennsylvania town, plopped myself down in the top stylist's chair, and told her I wanted a shag. obviously she knew what I meant, she kept up on the trends, didn't she? of course, she's a hair stylist. I may also have brought a picture of the exact cut I desired, but somehow I'm doubting this. because what I ended up with was not, as one would say, stylish or modern or even fashionable. what I ended up with was:

I looked like a boy. (this kind of fuzzy photo courtesy of the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation.)

now, I had enough optimistic imagination to think, "yeah, I look great! just like the models!" but as you can see, this is nothing short of a 10 year old boy's haircut. and the fact that I'm wearing my favorite t-shirt of a full-color MC Escher illustration in the photo does nothing to help the boyish appearance. you see, I was cool on the inside.

to my credit, I had tons of friends come up and tell me they loved my new hair cut. but then I also had the "what happened to your hair?" comments. and Adrienne reported that one of the football players asked her why I got a lesbian haircut, which I just brushed off. obviously he didn't know from fashion.

right around this time is when my parents asked me if I liked girls. so you see, this haircut did soooo much for me.

I kept the shag around for about a year. the second time I went to get the haircut, the stylist explained that she'd been to a conference in New York and now knew exactly how to do what I wanted, sheepishly admitting she wasn't sure what I meant the first time. so it came out looking a lot more like that first photo, but that didn't stop people from commenting on my new "sideburns" and the cut really didn't make me look any more girly.

the lesson learned: I can't have short hair. at least, not without important stuff like eyeliner drawn on heavily to send the message that this is no young man's face walking toward you. admittedly, my boobs have always been a dead giveaway as to my sex, despite my non-boy-haircut existence. but still, from behind it can be hard to tell!

anyway this concludes my portion of show-and-tell. thank you and good afternoon.