yesterday I felt heavy all day. the day smelled the same as that day a year ago, it looked the same outdoors, I listened to the radio station I started listening to after that day. I felt waves of memories coming over me when I got to work, where I'd gone last year despite watching the second plane hit the second tower live on television last year. work was where I watched on a fuzzy TV screen as the towers fell and where I watched coworkers walking in a daze, tearfull like me. I can't help but feel it's wrong to work for The Man on the anniversary of a day like that but I guess life must continue as normal. over emails, Stacey described the people crying on the New York subways on her way to work yesterday, the construction worker weeping in the street, the sounds of choirs echoing between the tall buildings...like walking through a city who is mourning completely. I feel fortunate, blessed to have not been touched directly by what happened that day, am so glad I wasn't living in New York, but feel a touch unfortunate to have had to live it regardless.

talking to my dad on the phone last night about other tragic events in our lifetimes, I learned he'd watched the Challenger explode from his hotel balcony in Florida. he'd gone there for a business trip and was excited by the prospect of watching a shuttle launch, especially since delays pushed the launch to his lunch hour. so he stepped out, saw the ascent, noticed it suddenly looked wrong, looked at the television to confirm, looked back to the sky, looked at the television...I never realized he'd witnessed it before. so strange.