hey, here's some news: someone in Germany was linked to my diary when they did a websearch for "chlamydia!" that makes me feel very special.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to make it through work for the next few weeks. I really have no desire to be here and this job is just--blech--boring the balls out of me. if I had even a smidgen of financial security, I would quit and try to find something that keeps me more active, like waitressing or bartending. but neither of those positions offers a lot of a) security, b) health insurance, or c) cold, hard, fast cash. also, I have no experience doing either job. what would be really fun was a job related to music in some way, but those are hard to come by, and again, there's my complete lack of experience. also, this country's economy is really about to drag us all into the depths of Hell, so it's safest for me to stay put. and that is crap. this morning, I heard that there are over 1 million more poor people in our country this year than last year. also, the US has the largest percentage of children living in poverty out of any developed country. and to make that even nicer, the government has refused to renew Welfare, the funds for which officially ran out in September of this year (if I remember correctly). the more I read and learn about this country, the more I hope to someday flee it on a regular, if not permanent, basis.

this ennui, though...I find it hard to push through. I was feeling it at home last night too. just feeling restless, wanting to do something, at 8:00pm is not a fun feeling. I normally enjoy the "relaxing hours" after work but last night I was itching to get out my skin. maybe it's because I didn't get drunk and stupid this weekend and expend all my pent-up, working-for-the-man-blows energy.

and then there's the anxiety about going back to school. again, the money factor enters the picture. I'm not so much worried about my chances of getting in as my chances of being able to survive while in school. my credit card bills are the first garden that would need tending, and considering the state they're in right now, I can't see how I could make being a student financially viable. I wish I had a rich, long-lost aunt/uncle who would come and wash away my money sins. but alas, that's just a dream.

uuuuggh complain complain complain. it's so tedious and so unproductive, but maybe somehow it'll help me work through all this crap on the horizon.